Trauma and Working through Recovery
When we explore Trauma, whether it is a life threatening event, exploitation, sexual, financial, judgment, shame, or physical injury it can really knock us down and side line us.
Even the mention of certain key events, sounds, images, smells, or names can trigger a powerful and uncontrollable reaction, we call this hyper-reactivity or being triggered. I call it losing our shit! These stress reactions often cause big problems for us in our relationships, at work, with our neighbors, and even doing every day things like shopping or buying groceries.
Left untreated, these problems worsen over time and take over. While we may no longer think about the trauma as much our emotional reactivity is often way out of step with our life experience, and frankly it’s hard for people to understand.
Our friends, family or coworkers may say things like:
It happened a long time ago, why aren’t you over it.
It wasn’t so bad. This type of comment can be very disconfirming and rob us of our own authenticity and deeper understanding. We call this minimization and denial and it is a very powerful coping mechanism distracting ourselves from the pain.
Just like a broken bone needs treatment, so does trauma. You wouldn’t expect a broken bone to just get better with time. Why is the mind, psyche and emotions so different to people. I believe it is because we are living in our heads and not in our hearts or felt experience more and more. So, we distract with electronics, work, money, toys, trips, relationships or whatever to feel better. And while this is very important, it does not help heal the underlying trauma.
People who struggle with coping and working thru trauma need special supports and processes. These supports help them feel understood, reconnect with the parts that have numbed out and provide the necessary tools and processes of working from trauma and survival response to recovery.
I invite you to imagine a life with much less reactivity, a feeling of safety, satisfaction and healthy human connection. I invite you to consider this bold journey of healing so that you may improve the quality of your life, enjoy people and experiences more and stop dwelling in the pain of the past.
What Does it take to Fully Heal from Trauma
1. Medication Evaluation Exercise Diet and Sleep (MEDS)
A medical evaluation by a physician and psychiatrist can be vitally important. Deficiencies in diet, imbalanced hormones, mis-functioning thyroid, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, or imbalanced brain function due to a history of trauma and abuse can be improved with the right medications, diet and sleep.
It is vital to start here to get a professional diagnosis and work up so that you understand and can rule out any physical issues. Medications, don’t help everyone and often people are reticent to plow money into a pill solution. However, every time we go into a pattern of dysregulation of emotion and social functioning our outcome and set point for joy and success lowers. So, it is in our best interest to intervene as fully and directly as possible early on.
That being said, therapy, frequent use of positive psychological tools, good diet, exercise, good connections and corrective experiences can be extremely helpful and reduce the need for many medications over time.
Trauma Overview by Bessel Van Der Kolk – click here
What Causes Depression by Harvard medical school – click here
Anxiety Overview by Mayo Clinic – click here
2. Learning and Practicing Emotional Regulation and Coping Skills
Emotional regulation skills are vital for anyone who has grown up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family. People raised in these environments have learned at an early age that they are alone, no one is there to save them and they often cut off problems before they get a chance to emerge. These vital coping skills were crucial during childhood, but they can really get in the way of developing full and rewarding relationships later in life.
According to Rick Hanson, emotional regulation and coping skills are like shock absorbers helping you withstand the ups and downs of life without going into panic or crisis.With improved emotional regulation you will feel more centered and calm, increase well being and contentment and provide the necessary conditions for healthy relationships to develop. These skills take time to learn and practice, but the benefits are consistent and multiplying over time.
Click here for Lions Heart Coping and Emotional Regulation tools
3. Learning and Practicing Social Skills to Improve Social Functioning and relationships
Growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family leads to feeling unsettled, hypervigilant and emotionally and behaviorally reactive to our environment. With the absence of learning new ways of relatiing to people and challenging life experiences people often stay stuck in cycles of poor relationships and opportunities. They often search out people who remind them of their family of origin then sabotage those relationships with inappropriate social behavior, fear and constant fear and hypervigilance
In order to address these symptoms we first need to learn to regulate our emotions so we feel safer and more grounded around people. Then we need to learn and practice skills and tools to improve our social relationships.
According to a Harvard study that has followed men and their families from Harvard University and the surround community it has been demonstrated that successful relationships are the single biggest predictor of good health and a joyful life.
Good Relationships lead to Good Health and Happiness, by Harvard Medical School – click here
Click here for Lions Heart Social & Relationship Tools
4. Processing Grief
In working from victim to survivor the need for acceptance and understanding are key clinical priorities. In my experience, helping folks heal from abuse, loss, isolation and shame takes us directly to reliving the traumatic events. This is often emotionally intense and overwhelming for people. They may feel trapped and overwhelmed with no where to go, no safe place. It is during this initial phase of treatment we explore each of the parts of grief.
Read About – Grief and Loss: What it means to grieve written by past Lions Heart Counselor Victoria Carding, LCSW.
4A. What tools are available at Lions Heart and in the community to Process Grief
| TOOL/ SUPPORT | HOW IT HELPS |
| EMDR | Trauma Processing |
| LHC Grief Processing Tool | By setting an intention to revisit past relationships and heal from them we can internalize the lessons, set better boundaries and have stronger healthier relationships |
| Group Psychotherapy Mens Group at Lions Heart Counseling | Grief Processing, Social Skills Development, Reduction of Threat Appraisal, Improved Boundary Setting, practice with a Licensed Therapist, Corrective Experience |
| Hardwiring Happiness | Reduction of Threat Appraisal, developing New Hope and Expectations for Social Relationships. Increases felt sense of safety in groups. |
| The Loving Parent Guidebook | Grief Processing, Social Skills, Reduction of Threat Appraisal, Improved Boundary Setting |
| ACA – adult Children of Alcoholic and Dysfunctional Families | Support group to provide resources, skill building and practice in a community of fellow travelers |
Self Regulation -CBT, DBT, Mindfulness/Meditation
New Hope and Goals – Vision Board
EMDR
Corrective experiences
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Information provided on this site does not constitute a patient therapist relationship, and should be used under the guidance of a licensed mental health professional. Information presented on this page was written by James Meyer, LCSW Lead Counselor and founder of Lions Heart Counseling Sacramento.
What is My Experience in Working with Trauma
I have been treating trauma Since 2005 when I was volunteering at Loaves N Fishes as an outreach worker. It was my experience that many of these folks couldn’t even hold a normal conversation or look me in the eye. They were so disconnected from society, themselves and any lasting sense of self.
After this, I worked in a Level 14 group home for older Boys trying to become men. They had been victimized, abused, traumatized. They had deep seated distrust of people, the system and all who tried to help and for good reason. Most of these boys came from intergenerational poverty, incarceration, alcohol and drug issues and abusive homes. Many had all of these life experiences. Even worse, they become the abusers, re-enacting their exploitation on others. As a result, they were directed by the courts to treatment and a restricted living environment. The most memorable of these moments was watching the boys find their passion and value while learning to master their emotional safety and self-regulation while setting effective boundaries for themselves and others.
Upon graduation, many of these boys, would come back to visit. Partly, because the system dropped off care at age 18 and they didn’t know where to go next. Partly because they were curious and connected and missed the familiarity of what became their home. I often asked these returning men what was their most meaningful and helpful experience in the group home. Without exception, they all said it was the field trips. Most of them had never been farther than the two square miles of disadvantage and poverty they grew up in. To ride roller coasters, see a performance or look at art gave them a new perspective of beauty and joy and hope. These experiences made a lasting impression. Clearly, having a corrective life experience is a critical part of the healing journey.